Missing Madison before I've gone

Only 9 days left in Madison. It's quite sad, I really love this place. Things I'll miss:

- the tiny door out to my back porch

- corner patio at Genna's

- Mango Mojito at the Icon

- Jolly Bob's

- beer drinking and lake watching at the Terrace

- farmers markets on the square with spicy cheese bread

- drinking wine on the grass around the capital for concerts on the square

- biking to trader joe's and putting my groceries in my awesome basket

- Hook's melt with greens and wine tastings at Barrique's on Monroe St

- Babcock ice cream

- Ian's pizza

- Margaritas with the ladies at Pedro's

- Awesome friends

I think the moral of that list is that Madison is great for eating and drinking. Especially eating and drinking outside- I've obviously forgotten about all of the great winter activities. Since my last day of work last Friday, I've been happily unemployed and trying to enjoy all of the above listed things as much as humanly possible before I go. It's been brilliant and I know that I'll go through some kind of withdrawal.

I only regret that in order to survive here over the last 2.5 years, I've had to spend the majority of my time working and traveling for work. Why is it that we Americans have such trouble finding a good life balance? So many people have to choose between being well-rested, but bored because they have no money to spend or full of stress, but unhappy because there's no time to do anything fun with their money.

That is going to be one of my goals for my time in Morocco- to find a happy life balance. I hope to develop routines that divide my time each day among the following:

- Exercise (I just ordered some yoga/pilates videos to do in my apartment)

- Study (for the GRE and the Foreign Service Exam, Arabic, French, Spanish)

- Work (teaching English at AMIDEAST)

- Relaxation (catching up on reading, movies, hanging at Mohamed's store, chats with loved ones)

I'm not so naive as to think I'll get to each thing each and every day, but a girl's got to have goals! In PC I wasted a lot of my time on satellite television and I wince when thinking about all that could have been accomplished in that time.

The apartment is almost packed. Pictures are off the walls, books off of shelves, stacks of boxes in every corner- proof that it's really drawing to a close. Everything gets moved into storage a week from Sunday and then I'm off for some family time in Michigan. I'll post again once I get there...

The Whole Story - Part 3

The End?

As the end of my service approached, I had to plan my next move. Mohamed and I didn't talk about my departure much, but there was an understanding that I was leaving and he was staying. Due to immigration and visa policies, there were only two options if I wanted to pursue the relationship. I could stay, or I could bring him back to the States on a fiance visa. With a fiance visa, we'd have to get married within three months of entering the states.

Mohamed's first time bowling, one of our last excursions

At 24 and pretty close to broke, I didn't feel in a position to get married and support someone else. I had no real experience and didn't know how long it was going to take to get a job. The thought of bringing Mohamed home with me was way too overwhelming to consider and frankly, I didn't want to get married! I also didn't want to stay. As much as I loved that country, I had been gone for two years and was excited to go home, see family and friends and try to make a new life.

So we spent a few last days together in the capital and said our goodbyes. It was possibly the hardest thing I've ever done, but at that time I knew it was the right move. I left.

Back in the states, I did my best to re-adapt. I got a job, found an apartment, dated. For the past two years I've lived a good life, but Mohamed was never far from my thoughts. I never quite new what to say when we'd talk on the phone and he'd say he missed me. I missed him too and I'd tell him that, but we'd just end up in the same spot during the next call.

Then, a few months ago I was at dinner with a friend here in Madison and we started talking about relationships. A comment she made during that dinner got me thinking about what I was doing with my life. Why had I left him? My original reasons no longer held true, so what was keeping me from going back?

The longer I thought about going back and pursuing our relationship, the more my mood lifted and the more it seemed like the right thing to do. So after a few months of pondering and running the potential scenarios through my mind, I called Mohamed and asked if he wanted me to come back. He did!

So, now I go back to see where things lead. I'm happy to report that things are working very much in my favor and as the pieces come together, I can't help but feel more and more strongly that I'm headed in the right direction. I haven't been this confident that i'm making the right move since I left two and half years ago!

As for the logistics, I leave from Detroit on August 20th for Alexandria, Egypt where I'll attend a certification program for Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL). Then, with my certificate in hand, it's off to the capital where I begin working as an English teacher on September 27th. It's a pretty good gig and I look forward to enjoying the country on a bit more than my PC stipend. I'll even have breaks long enough to travel!

My home starting September 25

I hope to keep this blog a bit more active this second time around, so be sure to look for updates. I also really appreciate everyone's comments and encouragement, so be sure to keep them coming!

and time whirls on

it's saturday afternoon and i'm lounging on my balcony enjoying the sunshine of the beautiful afternoon. i'm sitting on my gorgeous world market patio furniture. writing this on my sweet new work laptop. "stealing" the internet of an unknown stranger who hasn't secured his network.

my, how life has changed. this blog was created to share my experiences of life as a PC volunteer, but in an attempt to do more writing i'm thinking of transitioning it to a blog of all purposes. i don't know if anyone out there is still reading this, but let's give it a whirl!

my last post was way back in february and i was in the midst of a tumultuous job search. i was also still struggling with the transition back to life in america and i'm happy to report good news on both fronts. I accepted a job in Madison, Wisconsin and have been there for two months already. i'm going to save myself the trouble of mentioning the name of my new employer so that i can be free to speak candidly in the future.

For now i'm happy with the job and am looking forward to completing training and getting out there with a real project. keeping my fingers crossed to be assigned a client in a warm, sunny location as i will be traveling back and forth for the next year or so.

Madison is a very nice city. a medium sized college town with lots of restaurant diversity and constant things to do. i live next to the biggest park in town! with the weather growing nicer each day, i'm looking forward to getting out for some real exploration. any visitors are more than welcome!

i still miss the simplicity and routine of life in morocco. in the beginning it seemed boring, but i learned to entertain myself and quickly came to love and be comforted by the daily routine.

get up around 10
eat breakfast, clean, listen to the tv as i got ready for my day
an hour at the internet cafe
visit the home of one of my favorite women, help her finish lunch and eat with the family
teach women's english class
home for an hour to relax and prepare for my youth classes
go to the dar chebab to teach and hang out with my students
make dinner
watch tv
20 minutes of reading and off to sleep

ok, so that was just my wednesday/friday routine, but i think you get the idea. i was so relaxed, so non-stressed. nothing was too pressing, everything could be missed if need be. i didn't need to tell anyone i was coming for lunch, just to show up. it was glorious and now that it's over, i feel badly for not appreciating it more at the time.

i miss couscous on fridays. i miss wearing my glasses everyday because i had no one to impress. i miss sugary mint tea, lemon cookies and gossip with my best friends. i miss looking forward to a night with an american in the big city.

but america certainly has its perks. i no longer feel eyes all over me as i walk down the street. here i get to eat raisin bran crunch every morning and can eat salsa without having spent 30 minutes to make it. i can go out for a beer at any time, with any one. my friends and family are within a much shorter reach. target. i really love target.

my focus right now is on setting new routines for this new working woman life.

each life with it's own pros and cons, but honestly i'm still undecided as to which i prefer. am i meant to live out my days leisurely on the moroccan coast? or to rise to the top of the american workforce and use my frequent flyer miles to travel the world?

either way for today i'm happy to be enjoying the sunshine on my very own balcony in my very own apartment. stay tuned!

Limbo

My life since leaving PC has, to say the least, lacked excitement.

When I got back from Turkey I was exhausted and travel worn. In less than a week i suffered four flights (two of them international), a night in the Philadelphia International airport, and precious little sleep. I had nothing but dirty clothes and am proud to say that I actually threw away a pair of jeans in the bathroom of a thai restaurant in NYC. I had 11 pairs of underwear for 20 days of travel.

It was awful and thrilling. I couldn't wait for it to be over, but I thrived on the excitement and secretly didn't want it to end. I was tough. I was cool. life was exciting.

Then I went to Texas. Many people wondered why and to answer this question once and for all, I went to visit my mom, stepdad and brother who moved there a year into my Peace Corps service. My sister and her boyfriend went as well, and we spent a glorious week baking, sleeping and gorging ourselves on delicious foods. I felt more gluttonous than i had in years, literally.

Once my sister left, life slowed down to a snail's pace. I slept late and went to bed early. I watched the entire 2nd and 3rd seasons of lost, as well as hours and hours of Project Runway. I left the house only when I had to. Eventually i started jogging everday and was happy to be doing at least one thing each day.

oh, and the job search began. Once I finally forced myself to start this miserable process, i went at it like a feind. Within a week and a half I submitted 30+ resumes and thought I was on a roll. But the calls didn't come. In fact, I was quite shocked at the lack of response. Come on, aren't I a great candidate for a good job? Don't I have skills? and ambition?

Apparently not.

During this period of laziness, I did manage to spend a great New Years in San Antonio, as well as a fabulous night out in Austin. This was good for me because for a while I was actually scared that I would never be interested in things like 'going out' and 'leaving the house.' I was afraid that the person I was during that period was the new me.

Then I hopped back on the airplane and returned to Michigan. As frigid as it is here, i'm happy to report that I am greatly enjoying the snow. I've missed it. I also returned feeling much more like my old self.

I have energy, I desire to leave the house and hang out with real people, I crave for life to start again.

But I have nothing to do! no where to go! No place to unload this new found joie de vivre!

I've been back for three weeks, and the boredom has set in. I've gotten four calls and three interviews out of all the time I spent applying for jobs in Texas. I have no money, no job, and no friends left in the Mason area. I have no car.

For 10 weeks i've been unemployed, sleeping in, and wasting away the hours. 10 weeks is too long. I feel as though i've finally come to the breaking point, and that if i don't get some kind of direction soon, i may just snap. Or move back to Morocco.

Last week I was flown to Madison for an interview. This week I will find out the result of that voyage, and i'm hoping with every ounce of my being that I receive some good news. If I don't, well.....it's back to square one.

And I hate square one.

I miss my my moroccan life. While in my own eyes it was boring at times, in the eyes of the world I was living an exotic life. I spoke in a second language, ate incredible foods and was a world traveler. I made my own wine and had a hidden, exciting relationship. There was always somewhere to go, someone to see. I had little money, yet it was plenty and finances were nothing to stress over.

Now i'm a bum. a freeloader. In a country where i can do anything and be anyone, I can afford to do nothing, and to go nowhere.

My life contains absolutely no excitment.