Limbo

My life since leaving PC has, to say the least, lacked excitement.

When I got back from Turkey I was exhausted and travel worn. In less than a week i suffered four flights (two of them international), a night in the Philadelphia International airport, and precious little sleep. I had nothing but dirty clothes and am proud to say that I actually threw away a pair of jeans in the bathroom of a thai restaurant in NYC. I had 11 pairs of underwear for 20 days of travel.

It was awful and thrilling. I couldn't wait for it to be over, but I thrived on the excitement and secretly didn't want it to end. I was tough. I was cool. life was exciting.

Then I went to Texas. Many people wondered why and to answer this question once and for all, I went to visit my mom, stepdad and brother who moved there a year into my Peace Corps service. My sister and her boyfriend went as well, and we spent a glorious week baking, sleeping and gorging ourselves on delicious foods. I felt more gluttonous than i had in years, literally.

Once my sister left, life slowed down to a snail's pace. I slept late and went to bed early. I watched the entire 2nd and 3rd seasons of lost, as well as hours and hours of Project Runway. I left the house only when I had to. Eventually i started jogging everday and was happy to be doing at least one thing each day.

oh, and the job search began. Once I finally forced myself to start this miserable process, i went at it like a feind. Within a week and a half I submitted 30+ resumes and thought I was on a roll. But the calls didn't come. In fact, I was quite shocked at the lack of response. Come on, aren't I a great candidate for a good job? Don't I have skills? and ambition?

Apparently not.

During this period of laziness, I did manage to spend a great New Years in San Antonio, as well as a fabulous night out in Austin. This was good for me because for a while I was actually scared that I would never be interested in things like 'going out' and 'leaving the house.' I was afraid that the person I was during that period was the new me.

Then I hopped back on the airplane and returned to Michigan. As frigid as it is here, i'm happy to report that I am greatly enjoying the snow. I've missed it. I also returned feeling much more like my old self.

I have energy, I desire to leave the house and hang out with real people, I crave for life to start again.

But I have nothing to do! no where to go! No place to unload this new found joie de vivre!

I've been back for three weeks, and the boredom has set in. I've gotten four calls and three interviews out of all the time I spent applying for jobs in Texas. I have no money, no job, and no friends left in the Mason area. I have no car.

For 10 weeks i've been unemployed, sleeping in, and wasting away the hours. 10 weeks is too long. I feel as though i've finally come to the breaking point, and that if i don't get some kind of direction soon, i may just snap. Or move back to Morocco.

Last week I was flown to Madison for an interview. This week I will find out the result of that voyage, and i'm hoping with every ounce of my being that I receive some good news. If I don't, well.....it's back to square one.

And I hate square one.

I miss my my moroccan life. While in my own eyes it was boring at times, in the eyes of the world I was living an exotic life. I spoke in a second language, ate incredible foods and was a world traveler. I made my own wine and had a hidden, exciting relationship. There was always somewhere to go, someone to see. I had little money, yet it was plenty and finances were nothing to stress over.

Now i'm a bum. a freeloader. In a country where i can do anything and be anyone, I can afford to do nothing, and to go nowhere.

My life contains absolutely no excitment.

travels in turkey

After finally and officially leaving Morocco after 27 months of service, you could say it was time for a vacation. I needed some time to adjust to the departure, to miss morocco like crazy, and to really feel ready to come back to the States.

My friend Mandy and I thought that Turkey would be a great place to end our Peace Corps chapter, and begin our new one.


Turkey is a pretty incredible country. It's 99 percent Muslim, but it's secular government creates an entirely different atmosphere. I always thought Morocco was pretty liberal, and in a way it is, but it has nothing on Turkey. In Istanbul especially, you could have convinced me were in in the Middle of Western Europe.


This is me at the Topkapi Palace overlooking the Bosphorus River. Istanbul is located on 3 different banks, and is the bridge between Europe and Asia. It's no wonder this land was so highly sought after throughout history. And you can see remnents from just about every empire somewhere in Istanbul or throughout the country.

In the Grand Bazaar i found the most similarities to Morocco. Merchants yelling for us to buy things and trying to pull us in to their shops. And of course the bargaining. I'd like to thank Morocco for my great skill at this and for the good prices I received here!

This is the front of the Aya Sofia. It was built a Church by the Emporer Justinian (i think) and later converted to a mosque by a Sultan of the Ottoman Empire. Now it is a museum and the inside is just as incredible as the outside!



Wow! I've always wanted a Genuine Fake Watch!!





This is a shot of the Blue Mosaue, another incredibly famous building in Istanbul.



Inside the Blue Mosque. This mosque is actually still open for prayer. Tourists wait until after the time of prayer to go in and look around. so beautiful!



This is probably the best meal i ate in Turkey. It was incredibly good! I know what you're thinking, it looks so simple! This was eaten upon our arrival to the beautiful Selcuk in southwest Turkey.



In Selcuk you can find the tomb of St. John located in the ruins of his Basilica. The story goes that after the death of Jesus, St. John and Mary came to the ancient city of Ephesus to spread the gospel. We're pretty convinced that this dog (nicknamed Dudley) is actually the spirit of St. John still around to stand gaurd at the tomb.



These are the ancient ruins of Ephesus. A once thriving city during the Roman and many other empires. It was pretty incredible.



These are the toilets of the ancient city. Apparently they weren't very shy.

This is the incredible well preserved facade of the Library. It's absolutely huge and once held 10,000 scrolls. We took shelter here when it started to downpour.

After the rain we walked to the remains of Mary's church. I have never seen such an incredibly brilliant rainbow in my life.

This is the alter of Mary's church.

This region is called Kapadokya and is located in the center of Turkey. Due to volcanic eruptions, the entire region looks like it could be the moon and people once lived inside the rocks. Our hotel room was a cave built into the side of one.

This structure was once a Monestary. Complete with kitchen, church, and tons of other rooms.

Here we saw the Whirling Dervishes, and some traditional turkish dance.

During my two weeks in Turkey I took over 500 pictures, so obviously this post doesnt do it justice! But I hope you enjoyed a small taste of the incredible things I was lucky to see.

As for now, I'm back in America and ready to enjoy the Holidays with friends and family after missing two during my service. Then the job search really begins and where i'll end up....who knows.

the departure

my last week in taf was insanely busy despite the fact that i stopped working. making the rounds to see all my friends was a bit exhausting and i was constantly on the go with the visits, giving away my stuff, paying bills and more. and of course anytime that i said goodbye to someone, they would say 'but i'll see you again before you go right?' Enchallah [god willing] i would say. but of course it would be impossible to see all of these people again. no one likes goodbyes.

my last 24 hours in town were actually quite boring up until the very end. i thought i would really come full circle by spending the last night at my host family's house. so i said goodbye to my apartment and made my way across town with all of my stuff. the exact opposite of what i did just 22 months prior.

when i arrived, no one was home. awesome. so i went out to the cyber and bought a chicken for the next day's lunch. when i got back the family was there, but there was nothing special about this, my last day. i hung out with khadija and the new baby and everyone else, but i was quite shocked that no one seemed to care or notice that i was leaving!

the following morning was the same, everyone went about their business as usual and i felt a bit lost. i made one more round and said some final goodbyes, and my host sister gave me some very hastily done henna. i played hopscotch with my little host sis and neighbors.

the whole while i was totally uneffected by thoughts of my departure. i thought 'i'm not even going to cry! this is no big deal!' i ate a final snack with some of the family and then it was time for me to make my 6pm bus. i grabbed my stuff with the help of khadija, aicha, tati and neighbor girl noura and we started for the bus.

just about as soon as we left the house i felt a sudden and drastic change within. on the short walk to the bus it was all i could do to hold in my tears. 'i'm leaving....forever' whoa. we were a bit early to the bus, but it was no time at all until i was crying uncontrollably and so were my host sisters. we hugged and kissed and told each other how much we would miss each other. then a bit of calm as we continued to wait. then as it was time to board the flood gates opened again and we repeated the process.

tati [my 9 year old host sis whom i love to death] was having an especially hard time and that of course only made the whole thing more difficult for me. finally i managed to get on the bus and took my seat, still crying as we start to pass through town.

just as we start to leave town, i notice a big black cloud of women on the side of the road. as we pull closer they are all waiving their arms and yelling [of course this is not the usual behavior of a conservative berber woman]. the bus driver thinks maybe someone will be boarding, but i know better as i leap from my seat and sprint to the door.

crying now even more hysterically i jump off the bus and run into the arms of my very best friends. everyone is crying, no one can even speak we just hug and kiss and cry and cry. the bus beeps its horn and i know it's time to go. with a final goodbye i run back to the bus where the other passengers are staring at me as if i'm some sort of alien creature.

it took a good half hour on the bus for me to somewhat recover from this traumatizing departure. and the next 4 hours were spent in reflection of what had just occured.

when i left america in 2005 it was sad. the goodbyes were difficult and i questioned whether i was making the right move. but it was a timed goodbye. a goodbye for two years. a departure that was not permanent, but very short lived in relation to the average life. those goodbyes were a walk in the park.

the goodbyes i said that day were by no means temporary. they were forever goodbyes, and these are significantly more painful. indescribable really, but a bit like a bit of your heart pulled out. this piece will never be replaced. this piece is in morocco.

of course i plan to call and write and visit [and i will], but it will never be the same. i'll never again be living there, just down the road from a cooking lesson or unlimited cups of tea, cookies, and laughter with these incredible people. never again will tati show up unannounced at my door for an afternoon of popcorn and tom and jerry. nope, these are not timed goodbyes.

leaving rabat and my 'boyfriend' mohamed was equally painful, but i dont think i have the energy to go into all that right now.

i spent 27 incredible months in morocco and i'm so greatful for every second.

thank you mohamed, habiba, zaina, fadma, naima, mamass, naima, aicha, hicham, abdelfettah, youness, boubaker, said, dalila, ahmed, hasna, ayoub, nadia, ijou, saida, zahara, all my soccer girls, asma, asma, khadija, khadija, khadija, aicha, mohamed, amina, tati, senna, brahim, noura, houssine, mourad, oumayma, and so many others. you'll always be in my heart.