The Whole Story - part 1 of 3

Some of you may be surprised to learn that I've decided to return to Morocco.

When you ask me why and I say "I'm going back for a boy," I'm guessing you'll have some questions. Who is this mysterious man who pulls me back to Africa? Why haven't you heard of him before? You might even go back through my blogs and notice that he is conspicuously absent from the majority of my posts. You may even think that I've gone mad and made him up.

It is for those very reasons and to answer all of your questions that I've decided to go back in time and tell you our story from the beginning. Hopefully when I'm through you'll have a better understanding of why I've decided to go back and what the future may hold.

The Beginning

I met Mohamed in January of 2006. I had been in my Peace Corps site for just over a month and was still living with my host family. We were about to celebrate Eid (the big feast). Eid is the most important Muslim holiday. Each family is required to sacrifice an animal and people come home from all regions of Morocco and the world to be with their families.

A few days before Eid I returned to my host family's house to find a strange man in our kitchen. He was cutting up vegetables and my host sister Khadija was in the back holding a rabbit. The strange man proceeded to go outside and help my host sister slaughter the little grey animal. I'm sure my eyes were fairly wide at this point as I think that was the first time I ever witnessed a slaughter. The guy was amused by my shock and chuckled before preparing the rabbit for his entry into the tajine.

"Mohamed's making us dinner!" my host sister (Khadija) exclaims. They continue to prepare the meal and I can tell that Mohamed and Khadija get along well, they were laughing and talking the whole time. I couldn't understand anything they were saying, but in time I found out that Mohamed is a 2nd cousin of the family who was returning to his village about 40 mins away from my town. Since the bus gets him in late, he generally stays with my host family for a night before getting in a van to his village.

It wasn't until the next morning when we were eating breakfast that I noticed how cute Mohamed was. But before I knew it, he was gone.

He wasn't gone for long. During his month long vacation from the capital he came back to my town and stayed with my host family on and off. I was still adjusting to life in Morocco and with my host family and it was winter, so I spent a lot of time sitting in the sun outside of their house reading, writing or watching people come and go. Mohamed would sit with me and we'd "talk-" well, as much as my language skills would allow after only 4 months in the country. He was really good about asking me questions, speaking slowly and helping me with my Arabic. Much more patient than anyone else in the family and I really appreciated his company.

It wasn't long before I started liking Mohamed and I could tell he liked me too. I was torn though- what to do! I was in this small community where I was to live and work for two years, pursuing a man could be truly scandalous! What would my host family think if they found out?

It was around this time that a few other PC volunteers came into town and one night I very sneakily went with them to the one place we could get alcohol- a big fancy hotel on a hill. I had two beers and they were quite successful at lowering my inhibitions. After enjoying ourselves at the bar, I headed back to my host family's around 10 pm. When I arrived, the house was full of music and people. They were having a party! Well, how convenient that a party was in full swing on the night when I had two beers and therefore joined directly into the fun.

Shots from the party-

After a while, Mohamed and another host sister (also named Khadija) snuck off to the back of the house. When they came back, Mohamed was dressed as a women in one of the traditional black wraps they all wore. The entire room bursts into laughter and Mohamed starts dancing with the girls. This was a rare opportunity. Generally, men and women don't do much dancing together, but in his disguise, he was in the girls club. We formed a circle and lightly joined hands. We danced for a bit and I made my first true move- I flipped my hand around and squeezed.

It was brief, but we both knew what it meant and I would consider that the start of our almost two year relationship while I was in Morocco.

To be continued....

and time whirls on

it's saturday afternoon and i'm lounging on my balcony enjoying the sunshine of the beautiful afternoon. i'm sitting on my gorgeous world market patio furniture. writing this on my sweet new work laptop. "stealing" the internet of an unknown stranger who hasn't secured his network.

my, how life has changed. this blog was created to share my experiences of life as a PC volunteer, but in an attempt to do more writing i'm thinking of transitioning it to a blog of all purposes. i don't know if anyone out there is still reading this, but let's give it a whirl!

my last post was way back in february and i was in the midst of a tumultuous job search. i was also still struggling with the transition back to life in america and i'm happy to report good news on both fronts. I accepted a job in Madison, Wisconsin and have been there for two months already. i'm going to save myself the trouble of mentioning the name of my new employer so that i can be free to speak candidly in the future.

For now i'm happy with the job and am looking forward to completing training and getting out there with a real project. keeping my fingers crossed to be assigned a client in a warm, sunny location as i will be traveling back and forth for the next year or so.

Madison is a very nice city. a medium sized college town with lots of restaurant diversity and constant things to do. i live next to the biggest park in town! with the weather growing nicer each day, i'm looking forward to getting out for some real exploration. any visitors are more than welcome!

i still miss the simplicity and routine of life in morocco. in the beginning it seemed boring, but i learned to entertain myself and quickly came to love and be comforted by the daily routine.

get up around 10
eat breakfast, clean, listen to the tv as i got ready for my day
an hour at the internet cafe
visit the home of one of my favorite women, help her finish lunch and eat with the family
teach women's english class
home for an hour to relax and prepare for my youth classes
go to the dar chebab to teach and hang out with my students
make dinner
watch tv
20 minutes of reading and off to sleep

ok, so that was just my wednesday/friday routine, but i think you get the idea. i was so relaxed, so non-stressed. nothing was too pressing, everything could be missed if need be. i didn't need to tell anyone i was coming for lunch, just to show up. it was glorious and now that it's over, i feel badly for not appreciating it more at the time.

i miss couscous on fridays. i miss wearing my glasses everyday because i had no one to impress. i miss sugary mint tea, lemon cookies and gossip with my best friends. i miss looking forward to a night with an american in the big city.

but america certainly has its perks. i no longer feel eyes all over me as i walk down the street. here i get to eat raisin bran crunch every morning and can eat salsa without having spent 30 minutes to make it. i can go out for a beer at any time, with any one. my friends and family are within a much shorter reach. target. i really love target.

my focus right now is on setting new routines for this new working woman life.

each life with it's own pros and cons, but honestly i'm still undecided as to which i prefer. am i meant to live out my days leisurely on the moroccan coast? or to rise to the top of the american workforce and use my frequent flyer miles to travel the world?

either way for today i'm happy to be enjoying the sunshine on my very own balcony in my very own apartment. stay tuned!

Limbo

My life since leaving PC has, to say the least, lacked excitement.

When I got back from Turkey I was exhausted and travel worn. In less than a week i suffered four flights (two of them international), a night in the Philadelphia International airport, and precious little sleep. I had nothing but dirty clothes and am proud to say that I actually threw away a pair of jeans in the bathroom of a thai restaurant in NYC. I had 11 pairs of underwear for 20 days of travel.

It was awful and thrilling. I couldn't wait for it to be over, but I thrived on the excitement and secretly didn't want it to end. I was tough. I was cool. life was exciting.

Then I went to Texas. Many people wondered why and to answer this question once and for all, I went to visit my mom, stepdad and brother who moved there a year into my Peace Corps service. My sister and her boyfriend went as well, and we spent a glorious week baking, sleeping and gorging ourselves on delicious foods. I felt more gluttonous than i had in years, literally.

Once my sister left, life slowed down to a snail's pace. I slept late and went to bed early. I watched the entire 2nd and 3rd seasons of lost, as well as hours and hours of Project Runway. I left the house only when I had to. Eventually i started jogging everday and was happy to be doing at least one thing each day.

oh, and the job search began. Once I finally forced myself to start this miserable process, i went at it like a feind. Within a week and a half I submitted 30+ resumes and thought I was on a roll. But the calls didn't come. In fact, I was quite shocked at the lack of response. Come on, aren't I a great candidate for a good job? Don't I have skills? and ambition?

Apparently not.

During this period of laziness, I did manage to spend a great New Years in San Antonio, as well as a fabulous night out in Austin. This was good for me because for a while I was actually scared that I would never be interested in things like 'going out' and 'leaving the house.' I was afraid that the person I was during that period was the new me.

Then I hopped back on the airplane and returned to Michigan. As frigid as it is here, i'm happy to report that I am greatly enjoying the snow. I've missed it. I also returned feeling much more like my old self.

I have energy, I desire to leave the house and hang out with real people, I crave for life to start again.

But I have nothing to do! no where to go! No place to unload this new found joie de vivre!

I've been back for three weeks, and the boredom has set in. I've gotten four calls and three interviews out of all the time I spent applying for jobs in Texas. I have no money, no job, and no friends left in the Mason area. I have no car.

For 10 weeks i've been unemployed, sleeping in, and wasting away the hours. 10 weeks is too long. I feel as though i've finally come to the breaking point, and that if i don't get some kind of direction soon, i may just snap. Or move back to Morocco.

Last week I was flown to Madison for an interview. This week I will find out the result of that voyage, and i'm hoping with every ounce of my being that I receive some good news. If I don't, well.....it's back to square one.

And I hate square one.

I miss my my moroccan life. While in my own eyes it was boring at times, in the eyes of the world I was living an exotic life. I spoke in a second language, ate incredible foods and was a world traveler. I made my own wine and had a hidden, exciting relationship. There was always somewhere to go, someone to see. I had little money, yet it was plenty and finances were nothing to stress over.

Now i'm a bum. a freeloader. In a country where i can do anything and be anyone, I can afford to do nothing, and to go nowhere.

My life contains absolutely no excitment.